You know that stupid urban legend college kids always try to blow your mind with about how KFC is called that because the FDA said they can’t call their food sources ‘chickens’ anymore? And then some loser like me goes, “think about it, it’s obviously marketing. They don’t call it chemlawn anymore either.” Actually they do still call it chemlawn. Can you believe that? Anyway, according to snopes, the real reason is 10 times crazier than the Robochicken Hypothesis:

It sounded good, but the real reason behind the shift to KFC had nothing to do with healthy food or finicky consumers: it was about money — money that Kentucky Fried Chicken would have had to pay to continue using their original name. In 1990, the Commonwealth of Kentucky, mired in debt, took the unusual step of trademarking their name. Henceforth, anyone using the word “Kentucky” for business reasons — inside or outside of the state — would have to obtain permission and pay licensing fees to the Commonwealth of Kentucky. It was an unusual and brilliant scheme to alleviate government debt, but it was also one that alienated one of the most famous companies ever associated with Kentucky. The venerable Kentucky Fried Chicken chain, a mainstay of American culture since its first franchise opened in Salt Lake City in 1952, refused as a matter of principle to pay royalties on a name they had been using for four decades. After a year of fruitless negotiations with the Kentucky state government, Kentucky Fried Chicken — unwilling to submit to “such a terrible injustice” — threw in the towel and changed their name instead, timing the announcement to coincide with the introduction of new packaging and products to obscure the real reasons behind the altering of their corporate name.

Kentucky Fried Chicken were not the only ones who bravely refused to knuckle under. The name of the most famous horse race in North America, held every year at Churchill Downs, was changed from the “Kentucky Derby” to “The Run for the Roses” for similar reasons; many seed and nursery outfits that had previously offered Kentucky Bluegrass switched to a product known as “Shenendoah Bluegrass” instead; and Neil Diamond’s song “Kentucky Woman” was dropped from radio playlists at his request, as the licensing fees he was obligated to pay the Commonwealth of Kentucky exceeded the peformance royalties he was receiving for the airplay.

It may read like a page out of a classic corporate crime thriller, but the threat is real. ExpoPul, a company whose factory in Saratov, Russia manufactures vacuum tubes under the brand names Sovtek, Electro-Harmonix, Tungsol, Svetlana, Mullard, and others—tubes that include the 6H30 “super tube”—is threatened by one of the many Russian corporate “raiders” who are increasingly stealing businesses from their rightful owners. If the threatened hostile takeover proves successful, two-thirds of the world’s supply of vacuum tubes—tubes vital to the sound of audiophile gear and instruments from such well-known companies as McIntosh, Audio Research, BAT, Jadis, Fender, KORG, Peavey, Vox, Soldano, Carvin, Ampeg, and Crane—could become a thing of the past.

Apart from the fact that if the Sovtek factory is shut down we are all screwed in a practical sense, you really should read at least one of the articles because this is just the beginning. There was a good one in the NYT but its behind the wall now. The company is baised in Samara. The ‘corporate raiders’ physically raid businesses. There’s also a bizarre white-color angle to the crimes. It’s endemic to modern Russia. The sovtek factory was basically supported as the tube industry died by the russian military-space complex and is one of the only operating cold war artifact factories in russia. The company is owned by the guy who invented some famous pedals like the Big Muff and who had something to do with Hendrix. I mean, really, you have to basically read the article.

I’d be mair vauntie o’ my hap,

Or proud imperial purple.

– Robert Burns

‘Nothing rhymes with purple’– another Dark Age superstition dies in the harsh glare of the Natural Philosophy. The fact that this includes the word ‘ermine’ is just a bonus.